the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
