We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
