yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
