Walk of Shame today included voting.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
