So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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