Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
