I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
