the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
