also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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