i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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