Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
