3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
