please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
