He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
