Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
