turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
