I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
