I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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