i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
