he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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