My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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