btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize