Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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