oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
