You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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