I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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