I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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