dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
