He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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