You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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