Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Randomize
