can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
