if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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