I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I had your ass I would rule the world
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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