your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
