How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize