i think my tv is drunk
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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