Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
