Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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