I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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