What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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