well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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