I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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