im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
