We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
