The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize