Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
