Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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