that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
