Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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