I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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