It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
