ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
