Umm I'm too high to move.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
