no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
