I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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