We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
