Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
