I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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