you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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