so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
