I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
