If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
