You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize