omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
