none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
