I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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